you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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