My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
