hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
