Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
