i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
