I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You work out of a Hotel?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
