dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
