at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
