No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
