he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
