No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
