hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
