I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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