I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
