I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
