he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
