I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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