mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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