If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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