hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
