I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
