I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
