i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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