I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
