I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
