Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
