please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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