There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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