You just made me feel so damn special
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
