I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You made out with two different species that night
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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