i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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