I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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