Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
