I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
