Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
