we made out on top of his cat.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You are the jesus of drinking
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
