just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
