WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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