who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
