If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
