We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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