I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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