There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
