i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
