Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
