and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
