Pappa wants mamma naked
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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