You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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