last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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