yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
