i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
