my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
