We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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